I’ve never been much of a negotiator. It’s intimidating, I hate asking for things, and haggling makes me feel greedy.

Then I read about the traits of “underearners” in Barbara Stanny’s fantastic book, Secrets of Six-Figure Women. Underearners, she says, are people who underestimate their career worth and value. They’re cool with working for free. They have a high tolerance for low pay. They resent rich people. Reading her book, I realized I was a classic underearner, and one trait hit me in the guts and cinched the deal: underearners hate negotiating. In most cases, you don’t have a chance of being a high earner if you don’t learn to negotiate.

For the sake of my salary, I’ve forced myself to embrace negotiating over the past few years. And there’s a lot of negotiating advice out there. But as someone who’s not naturally comfortable with it, there are some tips that appealed to me more than others. Here are a few simple tips that make negotiating a little easier to swallow.  

Ask at the Right Time

Timing matters, and it’s the easiest thing you can control when it comes to negotiating. If you’re planning to ask your boss for a raise, for example, you don’t want to do it when she’s losing her mind over a last-minute project with a tight deadline. You want to ask when her plate isn’t as full. And maybe even after you’ve accomplished a big win at work.

Let’s get specific. J.T. O’Donnell, CEO & Founder of Careerealism, suggests asking for a raise on a Tuesday. Here’s why:

The following study shows people are most productive on Tuesday mornings…You want your boss clear-headed and feeling productive. If you focus on meeting at a time where he is more likely to be in a better mood, he may also be more positive and proactive about helping you map out a goal for your raise…I strongly encourage you never set a meeting of this type on a Monday. As the article points out, many people aren’t in good moods on that day. Don’t risk such an important conversation by planning it on a day when your boss might not be in the best frame of mind!

Of course, your own mileage will vary, depending on your work schedule and your boss. But the takeaway is: ask at the right time, and that’s when your boss has the time and bandwidth to fully consider your request.

Think of Negotiating as “Joint Problem Solving”

I covered this tip over at Lifehacker, and it totally changed the way I approach negotiating.

Instead of thinking of it as confrontation, I started thinking of negotiating as a way to get on the same page: finding a compromise that makes me and the other party happy. This change of mindset made the whole thing less intimidating for a couple of reasons.

First, it assuaged the weird guilt I feel over asking for more money. After all, I’m not the only one getting something out of it. For example, if I ask for a lower price on a car, I’m giving the dealership a chance to close a deal. And if I ask for a raise, I’m giving my employer my continued hard work and diligence.

Second, thinking of negotiating as teamwork made me go into it with a friendly attitude, instead of a defensive one, which is inevitable when you think of it as a confrontation.

Ask for Feedback First

Asking for feedback is easy enough, and it’s a great way to prep your employer (and yourself!) for a raise.  When you genuinely ask for feedback, you show you care about your employer’s end of the deal, and that speaks to the whole “joint problem solving” thing. Feedback gives them a chance to tell you what you could (and maybe should) do better. It’s like asking for a roadmap to your raise. Plus, when it’s time to actually sit down and talk numbers, you’ve proven you care about being good at your job.

When you ask for feedback, you can share your own feedback, too, and let your employer know where you think you excel and where you think you could improve. Need a script to get started? Try something like:

Hello [Boss Dude],

When you have time, I was wondering if you have any feedback about my job performance. There are a few areas I’ve been working on, and I’d like to know what you think. Am I on the right track with these areas? Is there anything else you’d like to see me work on? I’d greatly appreciate any insight or feedback you might have.

Of course, you don’t want to ask for feedback and then ask for a raise the next day. That’s not exactly genuine, because you haven’t given yourself time to improve. You want to really consider what your employer says, put it into practice, and think about what they’re getting out of the deal, too. Again, it’s about “joint problem solving.” With this technique, when it’s time to ask, you’ve taken the initiative of solving their part of the problem.

This isn’t to say negotiating is easy. However, even these few tips have made a huge difference in my own negotiating skills. Really, it comes down to being a little more empathetic to the other party. And that makes asking for money a little less intimidating, at least for me. What do you guys think? Do you embrace negotiating, and if so, what tips have helped you?